21 10 / 2014
Why is it not helpful to say “not all men are like that”? For lots of reasons. For one, women know this. They already know not every man is a rapist, or a murderer, or violent. They don’t need you to tell them.
Second, it’s defensive. When people are defensive, they aren’t listening to the other person; they’re busy thinking of ways to defend themselves. I watched this happen on Twitter, over and again.
Third, the people saying it aren’t furthering the conversation, they’re sidetracking it. The discussion isn’t about the men who aren’t a problem. (Though, I’ll note, it can be. I’ll get back to that.) Instead of being defensive and distracting from the topic at hand, try staying quiet for a while and actually listening to what the thousands upon thousands of women discussing this are saying.
Fourth—and this is important, so listen carefully—when a woman is walking down the street, or on a blind date, or, yes, in an elevator alone, she doesn’t know which group you’re in. You might be the potential best guy ever in the history of history, but there’s no way for her to know that. A fraction of men out there are most definitely not in that group. Which are you? Inside your head you know, but outside your head it’s impossible to.
This is the reality women deal with all the time."
I think this is a great summation of the “not all men” response.
I know you want to defend yourself and the good men you’ve known but please take a moment and listen to us. Here what we are saying and if you are not one of those men then it’s time for you to stand up and stop those who are doing it. If you hear or see a man behaving in an inappropriate way then speak up. Your voice is more meaningful to some men and the culture change has to come from within.
21 10 / 2014
"Loving the wind
Does not mean I love the ocean less.
Each evokes a different part of me
And brings me different lessons,
And my love for them would not diminish
If I also loved the fertile forest."
18 10 / 2014
BREAKING: Michael Dunn, the convicted murderer of Jordan Davis, has been sentenced to life in prison plus 105 years for the 1st degree murder charges and three attempted murder charges, and a weapons charge. Florida got this one right.
A huge step in the right direction. Thank you Judge Russell Healey! You did the right thing.